HOW EMDR CHANGED MY LIFE
I'm Abbe Davis, the Editor of Tru Rock Revival (this) online magazine, and Singer/Songwriter of SORDID FABLE. We are recording now and I'm so excited, mostly because music healed me through the hardest times of my life. I have suffered many traumas, so here is my story. The collapse of Champlain Towers, hearing the families speak, made me know how I had to share to help others. I have emailed back 'n forth now to the Miami Mayors office (Cava) and although I can be very private about myself, it won't help anyone feel less alone if I don't share this. If this saves one life or helps one person, than it is worth it. PLEASE see the links below and get the help that will work much faster than just talk therapy or hypnosis. Read the studies and google has so much about this method, used worldwide now by therapists, clinics, etc. Help is on the way, just go for it, please. Love, Abbe
It was the 4th of July (yes I think of it, yet you'll see why my holidays are all good now as you read on). I was 13 years old, when I told my parents how I'd be going to sleep at a friend's home for the night. I lied to go to a party with a group of friends, and I was going to sleep at one of their homes, we teenage girls would "figure it all out later," we all just wanted to get to this party! I never drank and I was an isolated type, with my three friends as a buffer. That night I have no idea where all of us went, we just disappeared inside and outside of that house party and nobody had clear communication. My next error was accepting a beer from a kid I'd barely kissed, and the next thing I knew, about an hour later, I was pulled into his bathroom, and then shoved to the ground, as I cried out "No! No!" and lost my virginity and blacked out. These days I know how he had to have put medication into the drink, when I drank just a bit of the one beer. I also have heard from people how, back then, his parents were into drugs. I never thought I'd meet a wolf who would rob me of my virginity. In the morning it was out of a horror film, waking up on the bathroom floor, a huge mess all over me, and grabbing one of their towels, screaming and crying at him, "How could you DO THIS to me?!!!" and running out of his house. Sobbing, I walked home alone for the three to four miles. I blamed myself for lying, I was numb, shocked, scared, and ashamed. I couldn't understand why I had had a beer when I didn't drink. I had no idea why I had just blanked out and only remembered saying no. I thought there was something wrong with me. By High School the Psychology teacher called up my mom and said, "Abbe seems like she's daydreaming and feels sad, can I meet with her, or do you want to get a therapist for her?" I went to him yet I didn't wanna tell him, also he wasn't a woman, and I was a teenager, awkward feelings about it all. Then a few years later I was dating someone at University and he made some off-putting comment about a former girlfriend, and I went downstairs from the hotel we stayed at, and I think I ran around the hotel track for about an hour til he stopped me. His comment, "Why don't you ever trust me, I mean you seem scared of me, and it has been a year where you are here but not here, what happened to you, please tell me." Once I told him about a lot, besides that one trauma, he set me up with his med school teachers and they began to help me out. I was not one for medication so I avoided that, and toughed it out.
I still wouldn't tell anyone for many more years. However, other traumas led me to group therapy, private therapy at various times, and I worked hard. I'll always work on myself.
The reason for sharing this now:
I have been watching the Champlain Tower Condo collapse in extreme sadness. This will be major PTSD as everyone can see. I know all about PTSD and feeling sucked into that realm. I know what it feels like to be in a restaurant, or a place, when suddenly a noise made me want to jump out of my skin, or something someone said would hit me deep. I would be out with a friend, or at an event, and I'd have to go to my car, calm down, breathe, and distance myself so many times, and I'd make up excuses so nobody had to suffer with me, because of PTSD from the rape, or my horrible divorce years ago. I would sit there crying, call someone, or reach a therapist, or just cry. This went on for years. To some, I seemed intense, or distant, yet they had no idea how my memory didn't always have time to explain or say what was going on. I couldn't find the word. That is what my reasoning led me to, being very lonely.
My friend one day sat down with me and said, "I care about you, you need to go do EMDR, it is Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing" and studies have been done, so many therapists now use this as a quick, noninvasive, powerful tool. I did it and I can tell you, you feel it in the first session. The therapist will either use a light for your eyes to follow, or she moves her finger in the air for you to follow, or a buzzer in your hands, and it will put your brain into an REM (like before you fall asleep state) then she is trained at LEVEL 2 to ask you questions and you tell her how your feeling as she asks the questions, when you walk out of there, it is like someone put a warm blanket on your memory, heart and soul. Abbe, please go do this, you've tried everything else, what have you got to lose?" I listened and found someone an hour away and she was right. After the first session (and it took about four or five, I felt calm about recalling the rape. It will always be sad for me, when I go to Miami, when I drive in that area, however, it doesn't crush me anymore. I went on to do this about my divorce, too and I feel calmer recalling that, as well.
These days I can do my Music, not freak when a service person shows up to fix something at our home, be myself more, and feel calmer. EMDR saved me so much. I'm the mom of two loving, wise kids and the wife of my sweet sidekick Kreig. Life is good and I have worked hard and always do. All of us have issues, nobody
glides by life, yet there is so much to enjoy. I have to share this because I want so much for people to be able to enjoy their lives and live fully and not be afraid of their traumas, like I had been for so many years.
EMDR can help you with PTSD. Medication won't solve your memory or heal your triggers totally. We dont know when we will find ourselves uncomfortable, or hurting until it happens and you say, "Oh man, not again, whoa, I, what do I do here?" PTSD never stops to ask, it is your memory, it happens as it will.
THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION NOW RECOGNIZES EMDR AS
an invaluable treatment for PTSD. Level 2 is the best trained type to have do this method
with you. Yes, you can keep on with your own therapist, and add this on as a four or five
session thing alongside your normal therapy with your therapist. Therapists do this every
Sending love and healing,
WHERE TO FIND AN EMDR THERAPIST:
Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist (you can sort on the left side as
Type of Therapy, EMDR